some words if you care to read them..

the other day i had my first individual counseling session with a client where i almost shed a small tear. one of my greatest fears upon embarking into the world of counseling was that i would become emotional when hearing a client's story. So far things have been peaceful considering the depth of information that i hear on a daily basis, sometimes i get worried i'll have nightmares really. ive managed to compose myself quite nicely until friday when i saw one of my favorite clients. i met her in the group that i lead, which is a women's group and then she was going through some tough times and requested individual counseling sessions. this woman is one of the most compassionate individuals i have ever worked with-it amazes me everytime i am in a room with her how she has maintained such compassion and postitivity through all of the shit that she's been through. i am reminded through this line of work that humans are so completely resiliant. i find it more difficult to sit and wallow in my own sadness when i hear stories from people's lives that would break even the strongest soul. anyway, i was in the middle of my session on friday and my client looks at me and says,
"erin, i had the strangest dream last night....i dreamt that i walked into your office and you were wearing this long green dress down to your ankles with a white t-shirt underneath, and you were wearing sandals with your toes painted bright red...when i walked into your office, you were crying and i asked you what was wrong, you told me that you were leaving and i immediately started crying too."
now, even though i thought the outfit that she described me wearing in her state of subconscious was really cute sounding, i still found it hard to contain myself from breaking down. as my internship comes to a close, slowly but surely and i will soon have a masters degree to frame and hang on my wall in may, i am reminded that i am leaving all of these people who i have gotten to trust me with their deepest darkest secrets over the course of a year. as may approaches i am going to have to face the inevitible termination phase of counseling with all of my wonderful clients. we talk about termination in my classes a lot. it can be very difficult for clients becuase it can be natural for them to sometimes have feelings of abandonment along with the process of termination. i do not want anyone to feel that way, because it's a very scary feeling.i am hoping....hoping, hoping that there will be a position available in may for me to be able to continue working with these clients who i have gotten to know and truly admire.....we'll see, and wish me luck if you took the time to read this. peace.